I’m on the mainland this week combining some personal enjoyment (singing with friends), personal retreat in my usual Holy Island (Northumberland) location, and now on a bit of a work-related conference/retreat – the Scottish Baptist Ministers Conference here in St Andrews. A bit of travel and moving from pillar to post, but at a rather gentle pace.
So that’s the context as I write this evening: just some of the things that have dawned upon me this week as I’ve stepped away from my responsibilities. They might not seem like the most important things, but all important to me and my whole life discipleship
- The Sacred Harp Singing Community. The only thing I miss about being on Arran, as opposed to the mainland, is my singing community. The last two weeks of connection, one weekend on Arran and the second in Newcastle, has been a real boost to my general wellbeing. It has been totally cathartic to sing Sacred Harp with these friends – a singing tradition which is all sorts of emotional and wonderful. With Sacred Harp you get to sing not only the wonderful stuff about God and life, but also the opportunity to lament, repent, and remember. I’ve really needed that as I process a few family bereavements, some family sickness and a few other challenging situations all going on.
- The Holy Island of Lindisfarne. This place has been a special place for me since my childhood, even before I knew anything of Christ. I used to go on holiday to a holiday park a few miles up the road, and so visited Holy Island a few times. However, its relevance to me now is totally different given that many of the stories that have inspired me in the last ten years have been the Celtic monastic communities both on Lindisfarne and Iona, to name a few, and visiting connects me to those stories and to the brave missional hearts of these early Christian brothers and sisters. God frequently chooses to meet with me when it take a wee pilgrimage there to spend a few days, both through the stunningly beautiful natural landscape, and in the silence as I tuck myself away to pray, unknown and unsought, in the quiet places I know on the island.
- Myself. When I’m away for any length of time, whilst it takes a few days, I slowly start to see the ‘private me’ that emerges. I live a largely public life, and often fulfil ‘larger than life’ responsibilities. Although I don’t do it often enough, it is good to be with the ‘me’ that lies behind my public ministry: quiet, reserved, reflective, contemplative, glad of silence and still places. In that silence I get what I can only describe as ‘perspective’. I recognise all the transference of emotions and problems of others that have a significant magnetic pull, and I manage to step away for long enough in order to see afresh. I realise all the burdens I’m carrying that aren’t mine to carry, and as I recognise them, I can lay them down.
- Ministry. I haven’t been to a pastors conference in Scotland consisting of my new Baptist Colleagues. I’m struck by a few things: how male they are (maybe around 95% male), the amount of younger men and men my age in particular, and how strange I feel in their midst. Strange because, when I was growing up in Scotland as a young Christian I always felt a bit intimidated by baptists! They were the ‘real’ Christians – you know, twice saved and thrice holy (or so it seemed to me). So, I’m just batting away the inferiority complex and a good measure of ‘imposter syndrome’. It’s like if someone scraped the surface they’d discover I’m not a ‘real baptist’. All ridiculous, but there we go. I’m having a good time making new connections and taking in the ministry. Also good to see an ‘old friend’ that I went to Bible College with in 1998 – 2000…that’s getting to be a long time ago!
- Health. Oh, I’ve been trying to regain some aspects of my health for some time, including gradual weight loss, control of some medical conditions and their symptoms, but I’ve had a bit of a time of it with all that of late. Hearing, sight, and feet/legs affecting my mobility are the main challenges at the moment. I also have to invest in keeping good mental health which has been significantly good for some time now barring the odd off day. Next thing to add to my schedule when I get home is an increase of exercise, especially to support my current weight loss and mobility issues.
- Work transition. I officially become a full time Baptist minister again on 1st July. The two work roles have been growing to the point that I just couldn’t give any more to either and still have a personal and missional life. I refuse to be the pastor who encourages people to live missionally but who doesn’t do it himself, and so active involvement with people outside the church is a non-negotiable for me. Will soon be in the season of building in new patterns of life and work. Long-term sustainability will be the focus…less sprint, more marathon (and no, I don’t mean Snickers).
That might not be the most exciting blog post you’ve ever read (not that many of mine will ever be that), but ministry and discipleship is the transformation of the whole of life, including my own, under God. Glad to have had the gift of these few days, with a few more to come before home to a full weekend of ministry.
The picture to the left here is a sculpture that was cause for reflection on Lindisfarne. It depicts a Shepherd’s (pastor’s) crook and a Cross, interwoven with tartan or Tweed cloth, which I see as representing people. Preaching Christ, caring for God’s flock as his under-shepherd in the warp and weft of life. Nothing I’d rather be doing.
Andrew S M Clark 