Even now…

In many ways, I’m thankful that my path is far from smooth.  I am glad there is nothing to lull me into a complacent security behind self-built walls.  I’m glad for a heart pre-disposed to weakness and brokenness.  It is through the cracks of my own suffering that I can begin to enter into the suffering of another.

Brendan the Navigator says:

I will trust in the darkness and know
that my times, even now, are in Your hand.
Those are some of the truest lines.  To recover something that is in the dark you need to step into it and win it over with light.  To know that, even when the way ahead is obscured and filled with seemingly unsurmountable obstacles, that my life is in his hand, gives a firmness to life that I wouldn’t want to be without.

‘Even now’ calls me to realise so many things.  I suppose, generally, I still feel a sense of being adrift.  I remain so far from the picture of how I thought my life would turn out.  Feeling displaced, homeless, and exiled, there are many times when ‘even now’ feels like a lonely place.  But that’s the point of the Navigator’s prayer.  He is articulating the cries of the heart that come from any who leave the comforts of home and safe harbour.  I can know in my ‘even now’ the familiarity of his presence.

feetIn my prayers this morning I was talking to God about this question of security and ‘home’.  His response was straight to the point:  ‘Home is where you take off your shoes, embrace vulnerability, and in the process, show others that the place you are standing is holy ground.’  It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but its what I needed.  The call to follow Jesus is a barefooted walk.  Every step leaves the softness of the soles of your feet vulnerable to the pain of the walk, and yet, it is in the willingness to walk in a strange land that reveals the very heart and presence of God.

And so, far from home, away from all that is familiar, I discover that there is nowhere I can venture where his presence does not reside.  In him, I am always at home.

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