On my facebook a couple of days ago I simply wrote: “sometimes you just have to smile, be generous with grace and move on content that you’ve done all you can.” Thats my own conclusion of what has been another strange conversation we’ve tried to have with the Army in recent months on issues surrounding officership and our possible return. They didn’t say no, they simply stipulated ‘conditions’ that are so entirely impractical for us, that it would mean leaving my job. We really couldn’t read anything else into it other than ‘no thank you.’ I won’t bore you with the details.
So thats my intentions….to smile, be generous with grace and move on content that I’ve done and offered all I can, even against what seemed to be my better judgement. I can’t in all good conscience simply sit in the meeting, play the baritone and sing a good tenor line. Its not mission, its not ‘Army’ and its not being true to the calling upon my life.
We only get one life. I have to say that was the under-girding thought that was at the base of my leaving the Army. What I was doing, in the shape of corps officership, stopped being the thing that I’d wake up and want to do. Thats not necessarily because my own vision of what that was is necessarily askew, but that my vision for officership just wasn’t going to fit in with the way things seemed to be in the Army and rightly or wrongly, as I heard the seconds ticking away, I wasn’t going to waste time.
I still don’t want to waste time. We’re both aware that we left the Army to pursue a particular vision. We thought for a brief snapshot in time that we were going to be able to live out what we were leaving officership to do whilst we were still in Aberdeen….everything seemed to come into place and then it was made more or less impossible by a few things. Yet, I think the vision remains. Its what I think we’re still pursuing. We are on the constant journey of seeing how.
Whether we find a meaningful way to be a part of the Army in the future will determine the life of this blog, really. I’ve no right to speak into something I’m not able to be a part of. Will keep you posted on my thoughts on that front.
In the meantime, we value your prayer. We’re content and committed to Trinity here for the next 9 – 18 months during their interim period without a pastor as I step in to provide leadership. Beyond that we have a few options to explore as we seek people to partner with as we fulfil what God would have us do….exciting times.